The Hunter's Endeavor

[ellajam]

Hi, spikerider, interesting point of view, I don't think the reader needs to be a hunter to understand. I would have preferred to read it without your editing marks, but here are a few notes.

Before you read this know it is about hunting animals & if you dont know about hunting you will not understand most of it. the "*" indicate each ending rhyme (mostly for me to compose). I'm starting here then edit & throw to the poets in "critical" forum
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"The Hunter's Endeavor"

Look all around*
Lain on the cold ground* if you want to use lain here maybe you could drop there are in the next line
There are nuggets of yellow gold scattered nice description for corn
near & far for all to seek*
precious metal not of what I speak* phrasing feels forced for the rhyme
Heavenly manna the corn god freely gives
He graciously does gladly grant* also forced
They are not required to chant*
None need to give him thanks
This gift is to one & all alike*
Nourishing morsels for all get a gold strike*
No need to share or fight
There is plenty of this corn seed*
more than enough all do concede*who is all? The animals? Nah
He arrives in his 4-wheeled chariot to deliver
Dutiful he fills the electric feeder by hand*
His hunting expectations are grand*
Animals watch hidden deep in the woods to wait
The corn god's feeder timer they can depend*possibly an on at the beginning here?
The rain of crunchy gold corn will never end*
No matter the size or breed various critters get their fill
This is a necessity for what the corn god truly seeks*
For he hunts a special grand trophy for keeps*
It must be big & perfect to hang upon his wall
Is no matter whether dove, turkey or buck*
The spent gold helps ensures this god plenty of luck*
This great sportsman is known throughout the forest
By all who feed*known to the animals? like pet to master?
happily upon his seed*

While it seems a little far-fetched to compare bait to manna, I think this poem reads loud and clear. I hope you'll take the time to work on the phrasing leading into your rhymes so they are less awkward.

Thanks for posting.