09-24-2013, 07:44 PM
Hi Ella,
Poetry for fun doesn't require a critique I know, so bear with me: I think your title though eliminates the need for a lot of S1, and I like S2 a lot. Maybe:
We met at the Met
Monet and mirrors
serendipitous mixture
your ringing laughter
Demuth's Five, Segal figures
Japanese morning glories
revealing what lies beneath
warriors' hearts intertwined
Just a thought,
Todd
Poetry for fun doesn't require a critique I know, so bear with me: I think your title though eliminates the need for a lot of S1, and I like S2 a lot. Maybe:
We met at the Met
Monet and mirrors
serendipitous mixture
your ringing laughter
Demuth's Five, Segal figures
Japanese morning glories
revealing what lies beneath
warriors' hearts intertwined
Just a thought,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson