Fallow

[Nick]

We're all masked monsters
masquerading, no doubt to brittle trumpets/ Masked makes masquerading unavoidable and makes masquerading (here) redundantly wordy. 'Parading' could work.
or in tune with the canons roaring in our heads/ I think you want 'cannon' here unless you are referring to dogma like raps.
and I pray to god your world starts spinning

The smell of gunpowder stung the corners of my mind
as my eyes scoured the transcending trenches/ Interesting viewpoint.
her canteen is filled with echoes of morphine
and mine was brimmed with wine

The squall was wretched and unforgiving
blowing ashes and snow into my tired eyes/ Second use of 'eyes' diminishes the term's value.
a constant reminded of what I have burned/ "reminded"? Perhaps you intended 'reminder'?
and what I would become

Our names were frostbitten through winter
along with our fingers, combing through cold
It's safe to assume we were tired of digging
for new beginnings, in the snow/ 'Snow' twice. Same comment.

I wandered, I reckon you were frustrated
with my fumbling fingers and weak, stubborn knees
and right now my heart is anchored to my ankles
--there's crescendos in my stomach, crashing me to sleep/ "there's"? Should be 'there're' but I think 'there are' would carry better than the contraction.

The morning came with thunder
I awoke less of a man than I'd like to believe
my eyes were glazed over, and I was much more tolerant/ Third 'eyes' and second 'gunpowder comin' up.
of the smell of gunpowder in these streets

Long piece. Good effort. Not clear on it's intent other than a general rankledness of the narrator.

Thanks,
Nick