09-22-2013, 11:15 PM
Although an awkward usage, adding "away" does give the sense of "over time", whereas without it, it only implies "at this moment". It is awkward because the way your poem is structured "away" appears to come at the end of a sentence, thus creating the appearance of a sentence ending in a preposition (although "away" is not technically a preposition), which is generally deemed redundant. This is only possible because these short (illegitimate/ungrammatical) forms allow dependent clauses to exists as a separate and independent "image phrase", such as "By the choice of man".
Obviously the snake squeezing hand is a metaphor, and does not literally mean that. Thus my comment on "political" usage, as it tends to lend itself to a political/moral interpretation such as the snake referring to materialism, which is "squeezing" the spirituality out of man (or his sexuality overpopulating the earth). I say this is such, because "man" in the poem is used in such a way as to imply mankind, and there are only so many situation that can be applied to "mankind" within the context you set up.
Ultimately you are saying "man" is doing himself in, which is hardly new or original.
Dale
Dale
Obviously the snake squeezing hand is a metaphor, and does not literally mean that. Thus my comment on "political" usage, as it tends to lend itself to a political/moral interpretation such as the snake referring to materialism, which is "squeezing" the spirituality out of man (or his sexuality overpopulating the earth). I say this is such, because "man" in the poem is used in such a way as to imply mankind, and there are only so many situation that can be applied to "mankind" within the context you set up.
Ultimately you are saying "man" is doing himself in, which is hardly new or original.
Dale
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.