I'm scrapin'

[rowens]

You stripped this poem threadbare, too. I think it's effective. It is effective at the end. But some might not make it that far. It's a very thin and hollow poem. The line breaks are jagged. I admire its unseemliness, put there just isn't enough to make it memorable. I was going to say there just isn't enough to chew on, but that would be silly. And I'm tired of silliness.

I think it's interesting. If it was part of a longer thing, like a section of some longer story, it might work better. As it is, it can barely handle the weight of even these simple lines:

Shadow governments
Shady leaders
Populations being winnowed
Pared back by "progress"