09-20-2013, 02:59 AM
I really enjoyed this piece, and I love science-y words like phloem and xylem (although I've been told I use them too much..damn the haters!)
I think what this piece displays really well is assonance and at times alliteration....but I got lost in the meter in the forth stanza, and that's a shame, because it was perfect up until then. Maybe it's just me, I'm not great with the iamb. If you're meaning for the "heavily" to be trochee, then I think you actually need the is in "trunk is heaving" to make it work out better, but then what do I know, really. I fail at metered rhyme. But I do love this =)
I think what this piece displays really well is assonance and at times alliteration....but I got lost in the meter in the forth stanza, and that's a shame, because it was perfect up until then. Maybe it's just me, I'm not great with the iamb. If you're meaning for the "heavily" to be trochee, then I think you actually need the is in "trunk is heaving" to make it work out better, but then what do I know, really. I fail at metered rhyme. But I do love this =)