09-19-2013, 02:13 PM
I enjoyed the imagery in this poem. I immediately knew this was a poker game, and I could see the poor idiot being suckered out of all his money. I pictured him sweating nervously and his eyes darting with uncertainty. I felt that every line had importance and packed a punch except perhaps for this one:
Go ahead sir.
Buy some more chips.
I'll be here all night.
I think more could be done with this. It falls flat for me compared with the rest of the poem.
I like the shark and tuna reference immensely. I think the shark's "dare" to keep playing would be a bit more wicked.
Go ahead sir.
Buy some more chips.
I'll be here all night.
I think more could be done with this. It falls flat for me compared with the rest of the poem.
I like the shark and tuna reference immensely. I think the shark's "dare" to keep playing would be a bit more wicked.