Red or Blue

[newsclippings]

You ignored me when I asked, A little bit like a child pointing a finger. Unless you're going for monotone, I can hear that too.
about the progressive cracks, What are progressive cracks?
told me, I could go back down,
scratching coins in filthy ground. While I like this, you're going from writing things in the ground/dirt and crashing through several floors in the next stanza. An oversight?

I felt the tremor, sensed the risk,
as concrete splits and metal twists,
through garment rolls and splintered doors,
my body smashed neath several floors.

As I lay trapped I heard her voice,
she asked her friend about a choice,
what looks best the red or blue?
I closed my eyes and broke on through.

I like the idea of a collaboration between two entities/perspectives. One a real life person, the other a haunting ghost? But it's unclear whether this entity is crashing through the floors purposely or by accident.

Sarah had always been the sensitive type; she seemed to pick up signals that most people missed. It was her 17th birthday and she was in Primark with Rebecca, trying to find a cheap dress ready for a night of binge drinking that had now become a rite of passage for her and her friends. Laughing she held up the red and blue dresses and asked Rebecca which one she preferred. The motion caused her head to spin and she began to feel faint, she tried to steady herself by focusing on the material in her hands. In this dizzy state her mind began to play tricks, there seemed to be images projected within the fabric. She saw buildings crumbling, faces, women and children bloodied as the concrete and steel folded in like a house of cards. The images were only fleeting but they unnerved her. “Are you ok?” asked Rebecca, “Yes I just need some air”, she said, making her way to the door.

That was the first time she heard it, very soft at first like someone talking in an upstairs room, she couldn’t make out what was said and asked her friend if she had heard it, of course she hadn’t.

This is a weak transition.

Three days the voice stayed with Sarah, becoming clearer each day, she could sense the pain and suffering, night times always seemed to be the worst, partial dreams that left her with a deep feeling of despair always the same words over and over, help me, please help me!, the voice sobbed.

I'm sorry. But the ending is also weak. You'll need to come up with something more stark.

The break into story-line is certainly interesting, but I think the story has to be much stronger to support your rhymes up there ^^^. The beginning of the story is engaging, but you drop off right around the time Sarah asks which dress Rebecca prefers.

Funny interlude, my name has been mistaken for both Sarah and Rebecca. Also Deborah.

The best part of this is the poetry, so I would stick to it, TOMH. I don't know why I thought of 9/11 while reading this. But the inclusion of red and blue must have done it, with the addition of a collapsing building. Sorry if I'm completely off with my interpretation. Thanks for the read.