devil on my shoe

[ellajam]

There is so much here that is really effective. I am a novice critic but here are my thoughts.

Bit by bit by bit by...
her warmth and understanding
of human nature was scattered,
like the blood in a 'bullet to the head' crime scene.
Splatter patterns of her emotions
were splayed and thrown on a wall
that was built between them.
His lame attempt to join the dots
to make a haphazard picture
of what he felt went unnoticed.

Changing scattered for splattered right off the bat would get your point across strongly and allow the elimination of the next line, we would get it.

She, on the other side,
made larger than life banners
in letters ten feet tall and exclaimed
and proclaimed her love.
Had there been a mountain,
she would have floated to the top
and stood shouting,
but there was only the un-scaleable wall.

So, tell me,
how sincere do you think she was?

Was she just an ego massager extrodinaire,
gifted at pretence,
able to tailor herself to his wanting whims
at leisure?

I get the above six lines, but feel there must be more succinct way to say it, I'm just not a good enough poet to suggest how.

A devil, clicking at her heels,
overthrowing her angelic tendencies with ease.
Ah, how much easier it would be,
to believe in something other than
what they were faced with.

what were they faced with?

Nothingness is never appealing.
How much can a person handle,
before tipping over the edge
into the proverbial abyss of legend.
A defence mechanism worthy of a superpower,
that's what it was.

Little doubt about it.

The end sort of lost me

Thanks for the fine read.