09-13-2013, 10:25 PM
(07-27-2013, 10:05 PM)Ghassan Wrote: Dear forum members, this is my first poem, constructive criticism of all sorts is warmly welcomed. Thank you.Hi, Ghassan, and welcome.
You are probably on your way
I had wishes that longer you would stay
and once again on the grass we could lay
but hey, those are the words I want to say
from the heart I want to state
the meaning of my words please don't underestimate
when you feel down think about me
smile, relax and meditate
from the confusion and low lives of this world
my dear levitate
If it is hard to comprehend I can translate
and until one day we can set it straight,
I can only hope that one day we can meet
I really hope you can relate
My love for you I hope I was able to demonstrate
so to everybody else don't compare me,
I am only human, so don't exaggerate
with prosperity I hope your life you will populate
and the restless soul within,
you will emancipate
take care and the pride inside please
don't let to waste.......
You might want to consider taking each stanza and writing what you want to say without worrying about the rhyme. It would still be a poem and it might be easier to express what's in your heart. Then if you prefer a rhyme you can see if any come to you without changing your meaning, trying not to twist the words too much just to fit the rhyme.
Poetry writing can be fun, good luck with it.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips