09-12-2013, 05:13 PM
Editing notes.
The title I will leave for now because I can’t work out what direction the final poem will be at this stage so finding putting a descriptive label on it just confusing.
Stanza 1. Re-focused aim:- to link the idea of snow (as the blank medium ) that invites conquest and creative flow. Beautiful in its own right and yet sterile and hostile. (I like the idea that a mountain climber has to ascend a summit just because it is there. A pole has to be reached and conquered… a blank page has to be written or painted on. I think all of this was in my original thinking somewhere).
Stage 1. (Tried to apply myself to what was asked…didn’t think this was working in that I did not feel any improvement or new freedom in my expression – I had new words added in but it still felt a bit dead).
I feel the imperfections;
gram weighted ridges and troughs.
Unique snow flakes, each obliquely
placed in pristine carbon dated sheets.
Tired thoughts seek a foothold to settle and roost
like clouds of sun-downing starlings.
Stage 2…took your suggestion a step further (played pick-up-sticks with the words and just let my mind say what I wanted with no reference to style, form or poetic art). After which I applied the same technique and picked out the key words (as I saw them).
I feel the fresh snow field, Feel, snow field
laden with unique imperfections unique
gram weighted peeks and troughs. gram
Pristine carbon dated sheets Pristine,sheets
obliquely near complete. Obliquely.
My tired thoughts seek to settle and roost; tired, thoughts, roost
a cloud of sun-downing starlings. Cloud, starlings
Denied a foothold they slide on by. Denied, slide
Stage 3. Tried to draw the two stages back into some semblance of a cohesive stanza, without loosing the intent of the words. (words in italics my poem story that I wanted to tell)
I feel the imperfections, I’m feeling my way as I get connected with my environment
each a unique wood flake Pleasure, natural beauty, the draw
in silent snow fields …but smothering and cold – inhospitable, a vast area.
of gram weighted peeks and troughs. more intimate inspection, like a blind man feeling my way
Pristine carbon dated sheets, and find aged perfection multiplied …that rejects alteration
obliquely near complete. It’s being deliberately bloody difficult just for the sake of it!
Tired thoughts try to settle and roost, The effort of the creation – the need to bring it home.
like a cloud of sun-downing starlings, Something I can’t get hold of, out of reach, flighty.
denied a foothold they slide on by. Blocked and diverted.
Hi Keith, I think carried out your suggested work plan. But only managed to get stanza one done so far. A bit of a slow worker. I think I have made progress in terms of expressing what i really wanted to say.
Meanwhile i am a little twitchy about thinking fo form (if any) before I go too far with this. Any ideas.
The title I will leave for now because I can’t work out what direction the final poem will be at this stage so finding putting a descriptive label on it just confusing.
Stanza 1. Re-focused aim:- to link the idea of snow (as the blank medium ) that invites conquest and creative flow. Beautiful in its own right and yet sterile and hostile. (I like the idea that a mountain climber has to ascend a summit just because it is there. A pole has to be reached and conquered… a blank page has to be written or painted on. I think all of this was in my original thinking somewhere).
Stage 1. (Tried to apply myself to what was asked…didn’t think this was working in that I did not feel any improvement or new freedom in my expression – I had new words added in but it still felt a bit dead).
I feel the imperfections;
gram weighted ridges and troughs.
Unique snow flakes, each obliquely
placed in pristine carbon dated sheets.
Tired thoughts seek a foothold to settle and roost
like clouds of sun-downing starlings.
Stage 2…took your suggestion a step further (played pick-up-sticks with the words and just let my mind say what I wanted with no reference to style, form or poetic art). After which I applied the same technique and picked out the key words (as I saw them).
I feel the fresh snow field, Feel, snow field
laden with unique imperfections unique
gram weighted peeks and troughs. gram
Pristine carbon dated sheets Pristine,sheets
obliquely near complete. Obliquely.
My tired thoughts seek to settle and roost; tired, thoughts, roost
a cloud of sun-downing starlings. Cloud, starlings
Denied a foothold they slide on by. Denied, slide
Stage 3. Tried to draw the two stages back into some semblance of a cohesive stanza, without loosing the intent of the words. (words in italics my poem story that I wanted to tell)
I feel the imperfections, I’m feeling my way as I get connected with my environment
each a unique wood flake Pleasure, natural beauty, the draw
in silent snow fields …but smothering and cold – inhospitable, a vast area.
of gram weighted peeks and troughs. more intimate inspection, like a blind man feeling my way
Pristine carbon dated sheets, and find aged perfection multiplied …that rejects alteration
obliquely near complete. It’s being deliberately bloody difficult just for the sake of it!
Tired thoughts try to settle and roost, The effort of the creation – the need to bring it home.
like a cloud of sun-downing starlings, Something I can’t get hold of, out of reach, flighty.
denied a foothold they slide on by. Blocked and diverted.
Hi Keith, I think carried out your suggested work plan. But only managed to get stanza one done so far. A bit of a slow worker. I think I have made progress in terms of expressing what i really wanted to say.
Meanwhile i am a little twitchy about thinking fo form (if any) before I go too far with this. Any ideas.