The Poem I Meant to Write

[billy]

hi reilley
over all i enjoyed the piece. i think you could strengthen some of the lines;
the 1st and 4th in particular but i think you have the bones of a solid poem here. poems about poetry can be tricky but this is much better than most about the subject.

thanks for the read.

THE POEM I MEANT TO WRITE

I regret not writing you down,
You swam through my mind
Linking words and thoughts
With gossamer chains not sure gossamer works well enough, even metaphorically, no suggestion apart from something electric
That glistened with meaning,
But the kitchen can was calling my name not sure what a kitchen can is but like the change in pace
Using the voice of my wife.
There were skinned knees to be kissed,
Equations to be sorted out, no need for out
House rules to be followed.

Has the opportunity passed?

Have you flown, like a caged bird
Through a conveniently open window?

Are you even now winging toward feels too wordy a suggestion would be to drop [are you even now] or at least part of the phrase. sorting out the question mark to suite. i do like how you're ending the simile
Another poet, a different writer?

I have the scraps, the fragments,
The word-pieces I had intended
To build you from.
I will try to arrange them so, not sure this and the next line add anything
In hopes they cast the same shadow.

Like my grandmother’s smile -
You linger just behind my eye,
Waiting for me,
Wanting to be released
In just the ‘write’ form. a good stanza apart from the clever way of using write, it isn't as clever as you thing