09-09-2013, 08:35 AM
Hi betalife. You describe the landscape well; trees like bones and skull-grey skies do their job and transport me to your New Years' Eve (all the more credit considering right now it's a warm and sunny September day for me). I do have a few nits though; take whatever you need and toss the rest.
p&p
p&p
Quote:Whiskey-warm and sick of New Years' Eve,
I left the stuffed ones herded by their fires Great line.
And trudged along a path of ashen leaves
That cracked and snapped with winter’s snowy choirs.
The ice cursed trees with bones that shook and scraped Shook and scraped one line after cracked and snapped? Maybe nix one of the conjunctions.
The skull-gray skies of rotting winter days
Were wan and mute of vernal song and draped
A cold lament upon my frostsick haze.
The scene was gaunt and dying still You don't need to repeat how things are gaunt and dying, you've already done that well enough one stanza up.
When I had turned to leave You've already left your stuffed friends. Leaving one place is enough for a poem I think, you don't need to leave again.
Until I heard a piercing shrill
Cry deep within the trees —
An inky crow shot out of sight
And left me frozen in the night.

