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DEFEATED
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09-08-2013, 09:41 PM
The use of rhyme does not benefit the short lines herein. The rhymes seem a bit abrupt and rather forced (e.g. must/just, do/due). Stanza 3 epitomizes how rhyme and cliche don't mix well. Maybe rewrite this with no rhyming first and then perhaps try slant rhymes, like skyline/why, to see if they add anything. Good luck with the revisions.
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris
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| Messages In This Thread |
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DEFEATED - by Spikerider - 09-07-2013, 09:36 AM
RE: DEFEATED - by heslopian - 09-07-2013, 12:39 PM
RE: DEFEATED - by tectak - 09-07-2013, 03:50 PM
RE: DEFEATED - by Spikerider - 09-08-2013, 12:22 AM
RE: DEFEATED - by milo - 09-08-2013, 12:28 AM
RE: DEFEATED - by tectak - 09-09-2013, 07:31 AM
RE: DEFEATED - by billy - 09-08-2013, 04:15 PM
RE: DEFEATED - by ChristopherSea - 09-08-2013, 09:41 PM
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