09-08-2013, 04:05 PM
stanza 2...health care seems like a forced rhyme.
stanza 3...
that prayer is heathen doesn't make sense.
I agree with p&p about the 5th stanza. Antibotics and pills are modern medicine, so one is not replacing the other. So you could drop the antibotics stanza and then switch the last line then to:
Those pills are artificial, here, eat this root.
Also I'm not so sure the here's are working.
The one thing replacing the other is fine by me; of course, it's more complicated than that. But this is also not an essay.
Smooth this out some and you'll have a little ditty.
a thought or two,
Bill
stanza 3...
that prayer is heathen doesn't make sense.
I agree with p&p about the 5th stanza. Antibotics and pills are modern medicine, so one is not replacing the other. So you could drop the antibotics stanza and then switch the last line then to:
Those pills are artificial, here, eat this root.
Also I'm not so sure the here's are working.
The one thing replacing the other is fine by me; of course, it's more complicated than that. But this is also not an essay.
Smooth this out some and you'll have a little ditty.
a thought or two,
Bill