09-08-2013, 12:35 PM
Quote:Twenty centuries ago, medicine was far from astute.
If you were sick your neighbor said, here, eat this root.More detail would be nice. You could specify the type of root, for example. I feel it's too easy to say “Long ago, people ate roots for medicine”. Granted, I'm not sure how in depth I myself would've researched things...
A thousand years after, religion supplanted health care
That root is heathen, to be well, say this prayer.Bit cliché isn't it? Not to defend the church, but I'm sure they would've liked a good ol' root-potion as much as the next religion. Well, give or take.
A few centuries later alchemy was the grand notion.
That prayer is heathen, here, drink this potion.
Then soon after, science knew what made you ill,
That potion is mere snake oil, here, take this pill.
Not long ago, dispensing medicine became robotic
That pill is ineffective, here, take this antibiotic.In this case technically nothing has been supplanted; presumably medicine still uses pills as much as antibiotics. But I'm no doctor.
Now chemicals are the enemy, nature’s healing beyond refute.
That antibiotic is artificial, here, eat this root.
I do like the circular journey the poem take us on; good idea. If you keep going with it, I'd suggest better examples. Also, some of it is too straightforward, it wasn't as simple as one thing replaces another replaces another. Of course that's obvious, but you could try to weave it in to the narrative. Anyway, thanks for the read.
p&p