09-07-2013, 07:30 AM
^ I just giggled at your last stanza, then. It makes a lot more sense now! =]
I think you can try to rework the poem with some of the edits suggested above to make that story line more clear to the reader. Maybe you can have the speaker wake up on a bench before he ambles down Main St. looking for loose change? Or you can describe his clothing? That may contrast nicely with the first line of the last stanza.
I think you can even take the very last line further with an even more grossly explicit sexual act. "Peck cheek. Suckle neck. _________" Something to really hit home.
I like this poem a lot! =]
I think you can try to rework the poem with some of the edits suggested above to make that story line more clear to the reader. Maybe you can have the speaker wake up on a bench before he ambles down Main St. looking for loose change? Or you can describe his clothing? That may contrast nicely with the first line of the last stanza.
I think you can even take the very last line further with an even more grossly explicit sexual act. "Peck cheek. Suckle neck. _________" Something to really hit home.
I like this poem a lot! =]
-betalife