09-06-2013, 09:41 AM
I know this is about birds, but all I could think of was that someone had just discovered alliteration 
This line
"family
bonding in simplicity
in simplicity...
content to breathe."
seems very ad hoc, since nothing that precedes this really has a connection to it. Additionally,it seems to act as though it is making a viola type of statement, yet in reality it seems to say little at all.
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Evan,
I have read two of your poems, and it seems to me that instead of letting the subject come to you, you are deciding "oh, here is something I shall write a poem about". Even for practice such an approach is dubious at best, especially with free verse since it teaches you very little of what you need to know. I would suggest writing in the traditional forms as a practice format, at least you learn something of meter and rhyme, and it also helps to develop your ear, which will be invaluable when writing free verse. The thing is, without the skills, even if inspired one will lack the ability to do it much justice. It is like trying to paint with only one brush, and two colors. At best, imitating other writers of free verse, or formless verse more accurately, you will only graze the surface and you will never realize what lies beneath.
I don't say this in order to be disrespectful or mean, it just seems that this approach would benefit you the most at this stage of development.
(Feel free however, to disregard the above, view me as an arrogant and ignorant piss-ant, and call me nasty names if you so choose)
Dale
This line
"family
bonding in simplicity
in simplicity...
content to breathe."
seems very ad hoc, since nothing that precedes this really has a connection to it. Additionally,it seems to act as though it is making a viola type of statement, yet in reality it seems to say little at all.
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Evan,
I have read two of your poems, and it seems to me that instead of letting the subject come to you, you are deciding "oh, here is something I shall write a poem about". Even for practice such an approach is dubious at best, especially with free verse since it teaches you very little of what you need to know. I would suggest writing in the traditional forms as a practice format, at least you learn something of meter and rhyme, and it also helps to develop your ear, which will be invaluable when writing free verse. The thing is, without the skills, even if inspired one will lack the ability to do it much justice. It is like trying to paint with only one brush, and two colors. At best, imitating other writers of free verse, or formless verse more accurately, you will only graze the surface and you will never realize what lies beneath.
I don't say this in order to be disrespectful or mean, it just seems that this approach would benefit you the most at this stage of development.
(Feel free however, to disregard the above, view me as an arrogant and ignorant piss-ant, and call me nasty names if you so choose)
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.