Why, Sir?

[LittleOwl]

Everyone else gave great advice; one of the only suggestions I would add is to avoid beginning so many of your lines with articles, prepositions, and "filler" language (e.g., a, as, for, and, or, to, if, have, that, because, in short, etc.). This can cause a poem to fall flat and seem predictable. I'd examine your word choices to make sure you don't fall prey to cliches ("night falls," for example), and maybe play around with line breaks. Reading a poem aloud sometimes helps me to determine where my line breaks should fall.

I like what your poem as a whole is meant to convey, so keep at it. Can't wait to read the revised version!