09-04-2013, 08:08 AM
(09-03-2013, 03:36 AM)ellz483 Wrote: A pretty penny I would payI liked the rhythm of the first four lines and the second four lines I highlighted. The tone, at points, seems like its beggaring pity which isnt my fave, and the use of "cold world" may seem a bit cliche. My advice would be to play around with the words, dont force the poem, let it rumble around.
If again I could be young
To have my life cast ahead of me
And have my head still dumb
For I've seen troubles, few, though great
And, I, becoming all the wiser!
Have reckoned more than once or twice
That it ain't a use to ask for "how?"
Or even bother with the "why, sir? 's"
Because this task called living
Comes not with map or manual.
In short, we are born to a cold world
To figure out, make do, get trampled
And just as fast, when luck changes
Night falls, compelling us to turn home---
As poor and helpless as ever.

