The Birds of the Summer

[Keith]

I'd appreciate some help on this one, thanks in advance.

Fluttering frantically I get birds but what do they look like
nestled to the side nestled implies settled and quiet, not franticor fluttering
of their bath
filled to the brim seems cliché
splashing, stretching
spilling water to the garden bed eg a fat man in a bath tub, Archimedes principle etc.
refugees I like this idea
from the blistering summer heat seems cliché
family
bonding in simplicity
in simplicity...
content to breathe. these three lines give me nothing as a reader

Hi EY
I would first ask you to think about me the reader and work out what you want me to take from your poem. Clearly I can see the basic descriptions you give me, fledglings mum and dad in the hot garden using the bird bath, happy and content. This is not enough for me and although its a single nice image the line are predictable and a little bland. I have added some pointers to the text to help point out where I think you could give more.

One tool to use on a poem like this would be to compare the birds to people perhaps around a swimming pool. I hope this doesn't come across too negative as I enjoy poetry that is taken from a single glance such as this but you need to find a new way to look at it. Best TOMH