First post here:(

[shawngibson]

I just discovered this forum literally a few minutes ago, so I apologize if I break any rules.

I spent 10 years sending submissions to Fiddlehead/Malahat/New Quarterly, and they were always graceful but I never got published...so I gave up. But I wrote this recently and I know it's far from perfect but I wanted to share it.

My name is Shawn Gibson, I'm 44, and live in Toronto:

I miss being Buddhist
I miss having hope
I miss being young and cocky
And I miss my hate

I miss looking at women.
I miss my mother's words
I miss dreaming of a better tomorrow
And my old uncomplicated world

I miss Leonard Cohen and I miss Jesus
I miss Gautama too
I miss how powerful it was
when science said a supernova blew

I miss Einstein and Feynman, I do
And Schopenhauer and Hegel
for turning my little world into stew
I miss being young and stupid, I really do

i miss being able to walk up to anyone
and say hey can I photograph you?
That world is gone and now I think
about my liver and yet I think of you

I may die tomorrow and I'm sure I will
But I wish those times had never left
where I could be with you
I really do.I really do. I love all of you.

Who is you, is all of you,
The best of you have always been my guide.
I miss my mom, I miss new friends,
I miss my confidence, I miss my pride.

Tomorrow I will wake up new and ask:
Can I start over and forget the past?
I know I can, I am the little train that could
Gautama, Einstein, Mom, here I come and fast.