08-27-2013, 10:19 AM
(08-26-2013, 07:29 AM)metalfan91 Wrote: We leapt into the abyssal void
Where our machines have forsaken us
Searing in the altered atmosphere
Monolithic, the pyramid Metropolis sags as it bleeds itself
The embalmed lithosphere crumbles in Marduk's horrid roar
Electricity returns to Jupiter's palm
Born of the thunderclap creation of Space-time
Chronicles are lost to the tidal force of Tlaloc
Gaia absorbs her oils and heals the malnourished soil
As the gods of Man reclaim Earth
Yahweh sighs as other Creators mourn a much-scorned experiment
And yet some see the Genesis of a new world in Humanity's lament...
...Where all will be gods
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Tlaloc - Aztec water deity
Gaia - Greek earth //
Jupiter - Roman sky //
Marduk - Babylonian //
Yahweh - Hebrew creator //
I really enjoy the idea of your poem. I love that " electricity returns to Jupiter's palms" I wish I had some helpful critique for you but I simply don't know enough about poetry and am new to the whole thing. looked like Tod had some god advice though.