Mentor: Generic love poem

[billy]

haha you got the poem is pretty much about my problem with tall girls.
so to answer your questions
1. The poem is a humorous depiction of my problems with dating girls taller than me. Which aim is to promote humor and understanding to average size males.
2. light-hearted, satirical

okay, you want some humour in the poem, or al least for it to be light hearted or tongue in cheek. well you have a lot to play with, or a little depending on your size

milo told me that a poem should have a start a middle and and end, with this one the end should be a punchline, something unexpected.

the start ...we'll start anywhere and see where it takes us. i note in the first stanza you mention "situation" instead of that make the situation. create it through pictures. (something that read as an image, an example would be 'a cow eared face') always try and make the first line the best line in the poem and then make every line after it a better line. make that first line really work at getting people into the poem. at present the 1st line feels a bit too generic. we know it's a sizest poem so an example could be along the lines of;

Here we are; Miss triple XL and the Hobbit.
there are lots of thing you could use for size,
a female godzirra
and lots of things for smaller people

the above may not be great examples but i'm hoping they give you kick start.
1] start of with how or/and where you met, give some images of height difference through out the poem. for now go with four or five line stanzas (non rhyming)

2] 2nd and 3rd stanza, build up the relationship,; what do you do, where do you go (make it funny if you can) use images to show instead of just telling us

3] show us the outcome, add a twist if you can,


right it out as quick as you can, 5 stanza of 4 lines or so each. then spend at least a couple of days going over it time and again, look on how it can be improved. if you have some punctuation problems we can call on someone to lend a hand.
once thats done post the post poem here and we'll go over it again. don't rush it and don't worry over it

So here we are you plus I
going for my ideal situation.
You plus me I think I have
wanted to see the half
never seen.

Half of me is given away freely
for a stolen meal, a kiss or three,
only if you want to be
my other half-ling.

One must be short of coarse.
I don't want to stand on
the tip of my toes for a romantic finale.

If I do, we could have a cup of joe
seeing where my vertical challenge leads.

Leading us to the side of the road,
your car is there.
In my chest, a toad.

Well thanks for the tea, I say
with a slurping slip.

Tall girls, the death of me.