Color Me

[TheWall0912]

See the pale pink plastic bin?
in back is a home befitting
one black spider; beautiful--
I will bleach her later, This line and the next are perfect.
as to not hear the crunch.
I like this stanza because it holds true for a lot of people, at least I think.

I moon, an artful relief,
realizing my week, not new,
recycled like an old man's Great description here, I get a really clear image. Well done.
tattered pants, twisting one out to Kant
before his heart cramps, limp dicked.

I will not listen to death,
but there is fun in watching them
writhe, squirm, finally fluoresce.
This stanza is also very true. It's chilling. I too get joy from watching spiders (and most other insects) writhe and squirm... This is definitely some food for thought.


Color her cornered,
color him confused.
Color her barren,
color him bruised.
I'm not sure whether you need this stanza or not. I'd probably get rid of it.

Overall, I really enjoyed the read. I thought you raised a topic generally looked past by most people and took it to another level, maybe even shed a new light on the subject. I don't have much critique to give you. Maybe, like billy said, try to clean up the commas in the second stanza. I'd also get rid of the last stanza. However, I like it the way it is, honestly. This is well written and it had just the right amount of imagery. Thanks for the read!