Color Me

[billy]

i quite like the horror of it. i'm sure Kant would be giggling as he slowly spun in his grave
there's more commas in the 2nd than there is coffee in brazil. is there any way of giving the reader a better breath?

thanks on Kant's behalf for the read and for twisting one out :J:

See the pale pink plastic bin? not sure [see] is needed
in back is a home befitting o wonder if it needs a bit more in order to make it clear it's home is in the back of it.
one black spider; beautiful--
I will bleach her later, this rings so true and so damn cruel
as to not hear the crunch. this line makes it less cruel but i as the reader knows the narrator doesn't want to look cruel

I moon, an artful relief,
realizing my week, not new,
recycled like an old man's
tattered pants, twisting one out to Kant this got a laugh from me.
before his heart cramps, limp dicked. this got a louder one

I will not listen to death,
but there is fun in watching them
writhe, squirm, finally fluoresce.

---

Color her cornered,
color him confused.
Color her barren,
color him bruised. i'm not sure how this part should be read ?