08-18-2013, 10:26 AM
Hi,
I don't think the title fits too well.
You say it yourself, it's more narrative than anything else. You can work from that. You need to incorporate some images, instead of just saying things straight out. You have to show the reader instead of just telling. Show the reader how much the narrator wants this other person, how much he/she wants to hear the other persons voice or to see their smile. Show the emotions involved. Sorry I can't be of any more help.
Best,
LB
I don't think the title fits too well.
You say it yourself, it's more narrative than anything else. You can work from that. You need to incorporate some images, instead of just saying things straight out. You have to show the reader instead of just telling. Show the reader how much the narrator wants this other person, how much he/she wants to hear the other persons voice or to see their smile. Show the emotions involved. Sorry I can't be of any more help.
Best,
LB