mild celebrity

[ScurryFunger]

I think this reads alot like free verse poetry. I like it because you give a full picture of the subject. As far as the theme of this poem I came up with the nature of attraction or seduction? I am not sure though. Loved the poem anyways! thanks for the read. it was almost like a well described short story

i think the nature of pain and pleasure perhaps?


Thanks for your lovely comments, I guess if it hasn't got any structure it's free verse? Lol, I dunno.

My 'inspiration' for this came because I used to read a lot of those crappy celebrity magazines on my breaks at work (until I made a rule that you have to pay for them if you want to read them). There were a lot of 'famous for being famous/still trying hard' women leaping out at me and so I got all poetic about some poor thang that only valued herself from the point of view of others and it sort of grew from there into a whole attempted back story.

I'll take attraction and seduction and pain and pleasure though. (ha ha)

Thanks again for taking the time.

-Deb

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She thought she was the epitome of cosmopolitan...

She painted her nails red
while listening to the gay disco hits,
a martini glass on a coaster made of cork. Is "made of cork" necessary?

Plucked and tweezed and oiled and waxed
to a cocoa-butter tanned perfection.

A distant in the past man had purchased her, I'm struggling to make sense of this line. Would it read easier like this: "a man from her distant past had purchased her".
had stayed away while the bandages were present
then later tucked her arm through his to show
that he owned this beautiful creature.
He wanted to inspire jealousy and awe,
but all he received were telling looks
and an underlying sympathy for her.

So, she was discarded roughly and without mercy,
shrugged off like an outgrown skin.
She twittered, birdlike for a while, Good line.
it never really did sink in. Elegant rhyme of "skin" and "in".

She continued with her ritual maintenance
so practised she was, at worshipping herself
with a blank-faced, smooth-lined stare. Very cutting line. It conveys such shallow vanity.

Sanity slowly slipped from her minds grasp, "Minds" needs an apostrophe, as it's being used in a possessive context.
she had a tattoo, delighted in the small pleasure
of the pain. A copied version of a un-glossy picture
in a magazine filled to the brim with d-list personalities.

She longed for a d-list life.
Like a religion she studied the form of her contemporaries Very good line. I like the idea you convey that your character seeks meaning in the meaningless.
inwardly seething at those who she deemed to 'have it all.'

Her scars had faded years ago,
although the mascara build-up on her lashes
could have filled a bucket full of lost dreams.
She lurched, in an ever downward spiral
from successful man to moderate man to loser.

She kept her fingernails red.
She still bought the magazines.

She twitched and floundered like
a several minutes out of water fish. Good simile.
Then, one day, she realised and accepted
what it was that she was meant to be,
she put on her fake jewellery,
knowing of Is "of the fact" needed? the fact that it was representative of her fake life.

She bought a bottle of vodka a day and gave in. For a moment I was worried that this cynical story would have a contrived happy ending. You didn't disappoint

Some very good lines here. I'd recommend more of a narrative focus and perhaps a shorter length. JMHO. Thank you for the read

Thanks for all the pointers, I've tried to incorporate them into the edit, although I did keep the cork for reasons of 'scene setting that were in my head' (that makes no sense probably), anyway...

After fiddling about with it a bit, I do agree with the narrative focus thing, no idea how to go about it though. ;o(

Appreciate you taking the time.

-Deb