Untitled poem from a new poet...

[rowens]

It seems like a model for something better. The poem makes sense, the ludicrous me that aspires for something they can think about but can't attain because they can't stop thinking and needing. Though they might attain it for all that.

So the poem has no errors and a looseness that's appropriate. It just lacks what it doesn't need. And that makes it work, though it remains forgettable.

That's a way of describing what I meant.