Ligawan

[jdelacroix]

I made the revisions. This one was the hardest to revise. Other than the language due to the fact that this type of experience is culturally embedded. So I changed the title to "Ligawan" which is a word for traditional courtly love in the Philippines.

way to go JD.

i think we can be too picky at times. and i don't want to be. any poem, even great ones can be nibbled at. for me i think you did a great job of an edit. it reads much better for me. i know it sounds silly but taking out two of the as's makes a difference.

if i had one definite comment it would be that you have a tendency to let your sentences consume the stanzas. breaking them down into two or three smaller sentences within the stanza for me gives more body to a poem. anyway, well done on the edit.

Thank you very much bill *hands clasp bowing* You and Addy's critique is a big help in my path to being a good writer of this form of Creative Writing. Truly appreciate it.