08-06-2013, 08:40 AM
(08-06-2013, 12:25 AM)fogglethorpe Wrote: I like the theme, but the first line feels wildly exaggerated, like the narrator has been maimed. I'd consider something more plausible, and simple. L2 and L3 are perfect.Thanks for your feedback. In this case the narrator is myself, getting the top of my ear pierced and I did feel a throbbing pain. I can easily see how it seems exaggerated though. I'll have to give it some thought.
Thanks again - much appreciated
