A morgue's assistant Edit two!

[TheWall0912]

Edit two

He has never tasted death,
but he will on his first day.
He is already catching his breath.
Soon he will join the fray.
I really like the first two lines, but the second two seem forced. I like the idea of this stanza, but you might want to play around with it some more.

He enters the morgue for the first time,
not knowing what horrors he will see.
Will he be covered in slime?
Take your time and rest on the tree.

The tree of those who have passed.
Rest my child, for the night will be over soon
He is already hoping this day will be his last,
for he doesn't want to be another goon.
I'm not sure how I feel about referring to a tree. In the second stanza it is confusing, but it gets cleared up a little in the third. Yeah, i'm not sure I like it.

He knows the job description,
Cut up bodies, learn what the killing blow was.
What is the encryption?
Well lets get to it and find the cause.

The nurses give him no comfort,
because he is already facing moral dilemmas
His face is changing color
His head is growing an antenna
Color doesn't rhyme with comfort, it throws me off when I read it. And I don't like the reference to an antenna, but this is just my opinion, it does give an interesting image.

This antenna should pick up a signal
Help! I cant do this!
In this room he will find no equal.
They do this like someone who can do the splits
I don't know why you added this stanza, it doesn't help the poem too much. I would get rid of it.

His first body,
he's is tasting deaths sweet stagnant air.
The tools he is using are not shoddy.
Is this really fair?

His first body is a young man.
Looks no more than twenty years old.
He wishes he was on the beach's sand,
instead of joining the fold. "Joining the fold."?

He pauses and has a feeling of conscience.
He cant go through with it.
Something doesn't make sense.
He asks if he can take a break from the bit.

He slips out of the morgue,
takes his keys out of his pocket,
and runs away from the smorgasbord
A smorgasbord of death without his blanket.
I like the idea here, but maybe use a word other than smorgasbord. And if you used blanket because of its relation to death, it is a cliche.

I still think you have some editing to do. Again, I really like the idea for this poem I just think you might be having trouble putting your thoughts on the paper. If you are having trouble finding ways to rhyme certain things just try using other words, or phrases. Honestly, I think I liked the first draft I edited a little bit better. But both have some good things about them. I would suggest keep working, just try to make your lines flow more, some of the rhymes seem forced and it makes thoughts unclear.