Mentor: My special place

[milo]

Broad expanse
of open air
heather spread on
rolling hills

purple hues
of natures garments
clothing Mooreland
with cushioned finery

waterfowl
alight and ripple
mirrored planes
of silvered calm

kitty hawks
in search of targets
float and dance
on spiral winds

so many days
I’ve spent in pleasure
roaming tranquil
Pennine paths

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Mentor required

alright, billy, I have read through this several (several) times and I have a couple thoughts and observations.

The first, is that you are trying to communicate through images and that is good. Most of your images are simply described without overmodification and that is good as well. Mechanically, my biggest problem was with the the line size/breaks and some of your construction seems needlessly abbreviated.

The biggest problem is that you seem to describe a place but - what? Poetry needs more than a scene setting, we need this scene to refer back to a human and a poem that says "I like pretty places" just isn't going to cut it. I would say, let's start thinking of what this pretty place can be a metaphor for in the narrator's life. How can you refer this specific place back to reflect the narrator - possibly other challenges he/she has, other than he likes pretty places. Think about it for a couple days and see if this place can reflect on your narrator perhaps through iron, dichotomy, symbolism or other instruments.