Am I Dead?

[jdguyb]

The whispers tell me I'm dead,
but I don't know for I still breathe life.
I remember dying,
but I also remember waking up.

Did I wake up in hell?
Like God said "you're going to hell."
But I woke up didn't I?
I remember my death so well.

I was having a bad trip.
I was convinced I was a retard.
The paranoia set in.
The seizures made it hard not to decipher that,
I was a retard.

Is my father in the mafia?
Did he tell my friends not tot tell me I was a retard?
The paranoia set in.
All was needed to kill me was 4 simple words.
Colin said "You're a retard Joe."
And Something clicked.

It was too much to bear.
The pain killed me.
I saw god and he said "you're going to hell"
Pause

I wake up in my bed.
Am I dead or alive?