07-31-2013, 11:07 PM
I like the form you make with the three dots. I don't like pictures very much, unless they're of pretty girls. And the conclusion seems too happy, even though it's not really, for me. That's all fine. But the other parts of the form, the meter and rhyming, all make it seem drawn out and artificial. Though I've been feeling that way about everything lately, in my war against art.
When I read it as two poems side by side though, I like it a little more. Especially the one on the right.
When I read it as two poems side by side though, I like it a little more. Especially the one on the right.
