07-31-2013, 10:51 PM
I like the fragmenting line breaks making the lines dump one under the other. And I even like other people's disgust on your face. I once died with a smile on someone else's face.
It seems like one of the new young people's scenes. The flaky, easily amused crowd. The real counterculture to the jaded, burnout crowd. The ones that'll grow up and bend and possibly break under the pressure of trying to make sense out of what the dope fiends with gaspy lungs that run the country have left them with.
Because they laugh and are disgusted. When boys giggle, it's not always a pleasant sight, but maybe they were all girls there, I don't know. If this character is high, and the others stand around laughing with disgust, it just sounds embarrassing all around. All really lame.
Maybe you could draw it out some more, describe something more jarring or at least vivid.
It seems like one of the new young people's scenes. The flaky, easily amused crowd. The real counterculture to the jaded, burnout crowd. The ones that'll grow up and bend and possibly break under the pressure of trying to make sense out of what the dope fiends with gaspy lungs that run the country have left them with.
Because they laugh and are disgusted. When boys giggle, it's not always a pleasant sight, but maybe they were all girls there, I don't know. If this character is high, and the others stand around laughing with disgust, it just sounds embarrassing all around. All really lame.
Maybe you could draw it out some more, describe something more jarring or at least vivid.