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One more attempt
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07-29-2013, 05:33 AM
The rhyming is random. Maybe find a certain system to rhyme with instead of just parading it around the entire poem. The line "Walk in shut the door" really grasps the rhythm. I think its the strongest part of the poem. This poem is decent. I'm no better though I'm just a newbie when it comes to poetry. I hope my feedback helps cya!
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| Messages In This Thread |
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One more attempt - by Ghassan - 07-28-2013, 08:53 AM
RE: One more attempt - by billy - 07-28-2013, 09:41 AM
RE: One more attempt - by jdguyb - 07-29-2013, 05:33 AM
RE: One more attempt - by TLAM4060 - 07-29-2013, 12:32 PM
RE: One more attempt - by billy - 07-29-2013, 03:55 PM
RE: One more attempt - by Ghassan - 07-29-2013, 08:45 PM
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