My Blood, My Vengence

[DeviousKid45]

Hi.
It is boring. Above all else it is boring. It is a badly constructed repetitive, predictable rant.
Try cutting it to the bone by removing all phrasing which begins with "and", "as", "for", but" or "that". These are the weakest links of all. You may find that you only have a few lines left. This is what I envisage:

You are a bastard.
How the hell you thought
you would get away with
fucking with me
I cannot imagine.
I'll kill you if I can.

The End

Is that a fair summary?
If you think not tell me why not and we will try to put the metaphorical flesh back on to the piece but with some degree of control.
Best,
tectak

Hmmm... way too short. As for the grammatical error that was intentional. Repetition is part of it. I intend to convey some instability here to give the reader a sense that the narrator is unstable. As for the dated style, well, I was inspired by Edgar Allan Poe.

Although, I do like the idea of cutting it bare bones. Now I want to expand it and make it dark and broody.

You know, I just knew the poor grammar was intentional...what a relief. You won't believe this , but I am a huge fan of good'ol EA! As I was reading this, well, I was sure it was he himself writing it. Amazing.
Now I'll stop taking the piss if you will and together we make something out of this piece. I hope you repost it, edited to perfection.
I look forward to seeing it.
Best,
tectak

Thanks!
Good egg,
edit and repost,
best,
tectak