Untitled [First Post]

[milo]

I have to agree with the others: I do not like the "journal" style format (if it indeed was intentional). While I think you hit upon universal sentiments, the presentation throws me off completely. I wish the whole piece had rhymed (I'm not a fan of half-rhymes; it throws me off kilter). But it may not be a "rhymable" poem. I must disagree with Billy, for I think, if used correctly, cliches are/can be wonderful attributes for a poem (after all, cliches exist for a reason).

A note on cliches - one of the first things you need to learn about poetry is that cliches are poem killers. Writers need to come up with fresh, original language. A very skilled poet can use a cliche usually by poking fun at it, but it is best to hunt down and kill every one of them until you become very, very skilled at the control and manipulation of words.

In this instance, the cliches are not fresh or original, they are tired, tawdry and boring.