What will come of you (edit 2)

[milo]

edit 1

Staring deeply into a mirror
watching the face as it glows,
the pupils pop and dance within
the reflective vessel.

If you stare long enough without
closing your eyes to blink
you will notice that the face begins
to blur, the cheeks darken.
Eyes that have grown weary
turn red in agony and just above
the scalp, there it is,
The shadow of your reflection
staring back at you

I would consider switching a lot of the passive voice for active voice. In addition, as it becomes second person in S2, why not just start second person. A couple examples of these 2 pieces of advice:

"Stare into the mirror"
"watch the face glow"
"you will notice the face blur"
"eyes grow weary"

etc.

Thanks for posting