07-22-2013, 02:45 PM
(07-22-2013, 09:01 AM)ElyseKelly Wrote: Apart of. Apart from.I agree, The way it is formatted makes it harder to read. I like the compactness of the poem, I did wonder what the "Apart of. Apart from" implied until I got to the end where it become evident that "self" is apart of and apart from. I think you could lose "but" in the second line if you chose to and it would still read fine. I also think if you wanted to, that you could substitute one of the "unveil"s for "reveal". Just some opinions.
Like snowflakes - appearing the same, but none identical. Together, transforms wonder; alone, melts then evaporates.
STAB to the self we all possess, we, in it's entirety, cannot control.
Act as the witness and unveil truth. Act without self, and unveil peace.
self is trickery that fuels fools.
Welcome to the forum
I once told this blond chick to screw in a light bulb..
She got naked and asked "how do I get in it?"
She got naked and asked "how do I get in it?"