Let me out

[tectak]

Darkness
within me
Paleness
surrounds me
Bareness
is all I see
Sickness
is all I breathe

It might be a whip;
pulls me back
Or a act of gyp
hideous, despicable
it matters no longer
But,
as long as I'm here
I won't be able to hear
The God's will
let me out

Hi sonata
This starts off well. Sometimes a strict da da da dee da rhythm brings a sense of drama to a piece because of the almost pagan drumming it summons up...changing it works too, if you WANT to signal a breaking down of order. To pull this off, you need to make the intent, wait for it...intentional.
In S1, you might consider dropping the last line so that the whole stanza is completed within that rhythmical framework.
da da da dee da
da da da dee da
da da da dee da dee

Now you have shown intent you can start to crack up in an equally intentional way. The meter in S2 is, at the moment, just too fragmented. Accordingly, it reads as though you don't know what you are doing...not the character (which is the intent), but you.
Try rewriting the second stanza with a line by line reduction in the meter count...until the last line reads with poignancy "Let me out"
Best,
tectak