07-18-2013, 03:03 PM
Hi Vistal,
I thought this was a beautiful piece. I have been back several times to read and on each occassion i have taken a different picture away with me, which is one of the things i love about it. In my read, the play between the idea of what is being read on the page, what is outside the window and what has been going on in the narrators life, is all subtly woven into the read which is again underlined and highlighted by the action word of each first line. Clever and very nicely done.
Each stanza presents an image I can relate to and a picture that can been seen from more than one perspective.
Although I am not sure if you actually need: This I see, this I hear. It is not obstructive to the read, but not sure it is needed after you have presented the images that can be seen and heard and then turn the view in onto the narrator sat "cocooned" inside his / her own little world within a book.
My only minor nit is that of an image of a seagull cooing softly. It does not match my experiance of them as gentle or particularly quiet
Well done on this one. I really enjoyed it. AJ.
I thought this was a beautiful piece. I have been back several times to read and on each occassion i have taken a different picture away with me, which is one of the things i love about it. In my read, the play between the idea of what is being read on the page, what is outside the window and what has been going on in the narrators life, is all subtly woven into the read which is again underlined and highlighted by the action word of each first line. Clever and very nicely done.
Each stanza presents an image I can relate to and a picture that can been seen from more than one perspective.
Although I am not sure if you actually need: This I see, this I hear. It is not obstructive to the read, but not sure it is needed after you have presented the images that can be seen and heard and then turn the view in onto the narrator sat "cocooned" inside his / her own little world within a book.
My only minor nit is that of an image of a seagull cooing softly. It does not match my experiance of them as gentle or particularly quiet
Well done on this one. I really enjoyed it. AJ.