my try (first erotic poem! eeeee)

[billy]

no in line feedback in the novice forum please.

can people read the rules for each forum before posting feedback in them :J:

here's an excerpt.

This is the Novice Forum, please leave any feedback outside the body of the poem. Ensure that it provides valuable feedback to the poet, even if it's all positive. A simple "I like this" is not appropriate Please comment to the best of your ability.