left behind (thank you tec, fogglethorpe & Brownlie)

[tectak]

Hi heart,
Syllables rule OK. Milo will scream but with this format a steady trot needs to be a steady trot. I like it. Now for the numbers....and I read swel-ter-ing.
Sweating in the blaze of summer; 8
pulsing through ascending vines, 7
raised ripe and firm. 4 and reads just fine. now...
Swollen in the sweltering heat, 8 but dodgy. Anapests are pesky
bruised love-bitten, dripping 6 ???. "Bruised love-bitten,dripping wine,
still bitter-sweet." Your poem.
bitter-sweet. 3 at a push, but 4 it ain't
Mourn the untended left behind, Bloody anapest again." Mourn those left, the unattended...
harvest lost.
lost forever to the harvest.

OK I'm not saying it's better...just better for me
This is me liking it. You should team up with cidermaid...there's a business in there somewhere!
Best,
tectak