07-15-2013, 09:12 AM
no in line feedback in novice guys 
the first 4 lines held very little substance. and from 6 onwards it's much of the same.
all the we get from the poem is;
i'm a king,
she's a queen,
we're in love till we die.
to expand on it needs solid images, similes, metaphor, or a mixture of all three, that relate to those three lines.
something that shows how and why you're a king
how does she watch over you? instead of telling us this, show us how she does it.
the first 4 lines held very little substance. and from 6 onwards it's much of the same.
all the we get from the poem is;
i'm a king,
she's a queen,
we're in love till we die.
to expand on it needs solid images, similes, metaphor, or a mixture of all three, that relate to those three lines.
something that shows how and why you're a king
how does she watch over you? instead of telling us this, show us how she does it.