birds on ice

[tmanzano]

it's good to be knee-deep
in concentration's wreckage
fishing in our bobbleheads
fluttering like captive birds --I like this line--

empty nights and bottles turn -- This entire stanza works very well for me--
cold shoulders into cushions -- good--
thru a muddy ocean haze --?--
in so many fucked up ways

there's something plastic surgery -great line--
about the way she leans on me --this works well with the bottles turn--
deer eyes and a wedding ring --these next two lines are brilliant--
reflection's such a dirty thing

I hear it crack under my feet --This stanza could be more powefull, dig deeper here--
and I'm stuck to the ice
forget the numbers on the tab
give me another feeling, Sam

I too see the irony of this piece. The muddy ocean needs something else. The ending needs clarification, but that said, this has a lot of good punch and meaning. I feel a dead end town in a dead end bar with a dead end girl wanting a dead end mariage surrounded by the same dead end people that made the same dead end decisions. I feel North Dakota. Maybe off here. I like this alot.