on lightbulbs

[Ian James]

i climbed this spiral staircase,
i climbed it all night.
when i got to the to top
i was, so fried.

[/b] "climbed" "climbed" readers aren't getting a depiction of the climb by the mere word being used twice.

bulbs of light,
ideas so bright with connotation,
so friendly with human relation.

the word "so" doesn't do much here, and you set up a one-line rhyme which is lazy Especially with the syllables "-ation," you will improve and be able to set up a rapid paced rhyme scheme with that word ending with ease if that is what you wish to employ.

machines are machines that grow
big and strong. machines grow
fingers and eyes with pure
disguise. but lightbulbs,
hmmm i do not know.

cut out the "hmmm" you'll come to find that you want to elicit those reactions from the reader by earning it, not spelling it

Edison the man behind the tube,
a screaming loop, never hid his true intent.
light is light for all and never forget. the
climax is the light burning out.

[b] i think something that will help you (given the ideas/imagery you are scraping at through this depiction) is blackout writing: throw the pen on the pad and just run it, run it, run it. You'll find out how much fluidity will emerge from these thoughts you are having, and build a stronger command over word play. cheers. and repetition isn't necessarily a bad thing- when it bounces in a hypnotic way as you get yourself going. investigate these beautiful, mysterious thoughts/feelings you are having. If the use of Language is a pursuit you have then get into the cypher: mesh your prose with your rhyming meter, let them play together, and when you take to a short piece your mind will contain the paradoxical wit that is necessary for creating immediate illusion.