on lightbulbs

[Volaticus]

Hi Bunx,
Just a few thoughts on your poem.

i climbed this spiral staircase,
i climbed it all night.
when i got to the to top It should be 'when i got to the top'
i was, so fried. Because of your rhyming in L2 and L4, I felt this line needed one more syllable and then the stanza reads better. And you don't need the comma here.

bulbs of light,
ideas so bright with connotation, Already covered by newsclippings.
so friendly with human relation.

machines are machines that grow I'm just curious here. Was it your intention to make the lines increasingly shorter, when your narrator talks about the opposite; growth?
big and strong. machines grow
fingers and eyes with pure
disguise. but lightbulbs,
hmmm i do not know. I'm not sure about this line. I don't think it adds much.

Edison the man behind the tube, I think a comma after 'Edison' would make it read better.
a screaming loop, never hid his true intent.
light is light for all and never forget. the
climax is the light burning out.

This is just my humble opinion, to be used or scrapped as you like.
I think this is one of the best poems I've read from you so far. It still needs some work, maybe a few edits, but I like where you're going with it.

Best,
-LB