07-01-2013, 04:42 AM
Not sure about the placement of your end-quote. Did you want it on the line before?
You have a lot of "Ands" and not enough punctuation. Capitalizing the beginning of every line doesn't mean it's a new thought.
"And that's all there was
Their persistent tongues softly whither me away
As I silently protest the stars"
This is a bad ending. To me it reads like a poem that is being mocked for trying too hard.
You have a lot of "Ands" and not enough punctuation. Capitalizing the beginning of every line doesn't mean it's a new thought.
"And that's all there was
Their persistent tongues softly whither me away
As I silently protest the stars"
This is a bad ending. To me it reads like a poem that is being mocked for trying too hard.
I'll be there in a minute.